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This time he took my foot with both hands and gazed at the lapis ring. I felt the color rise in my face. If he saw this I could not treat him, so with my other foot I gave the cup a sharp kick. While he retrieved it from the edge of the flowers I took off the ring and held it between my palms. That night I put the gardenia next to the other, which had withered to a tiny black knot.
Michel would come once a month, between the new moon and the full. My own secrets went, at least I supposed, undetected, although Michel never showed the same benefits as the others. I could see he knew this, and I grew to know that I was not failing him. How could I, when he did not have need of my training? It was I who had need.
I remembered Grandfather's words: "The changes will not stop, Careen." I often wondered if Michel were in truth my grandfather, come to give me solace. It might as well have been so, for it was as if he were, and it was enough. After Michel, would Grandfather come again in some other guise? When three years ended I sent Michel away and retired. I traveled to the seashore where Grandfather once took me. And I went north, looking for the family we had visited, to learn how the baby girl had grown up. I did not find them, or even the place.
But I did see the lights of the northern aurora and it was then I felt a healing. The first time I had realized my deformity. Now, I knew my own completeness.
I still keep my courtyard, with the help of new servants. Gilda and Saud are buried in the acacia grove, near Ilona.
As for the changing room, I have turned it into a hall where my former students' children and grandchildren gather to read their stories, their verses, to dance, sing, and play their musical instruments. They come to enjoy my garden, and they bring delicacies, wines or teas.